Lose it or let it go...

I'm about to lose it, I can feel myself slipping. Like a wet rope in in a waterfall, it's about as good as nothing. I can't help myself from falling. I can't keep myself from sliding. Everything keeps getting to me and for too long it's just been piling. I can feel the tears as they well up behind my stone cold stubborn eyes. I can feel the garish shaking working in among my bones. I can sense the eyes upon wondering "what's wrong with that man?". And I know my time is coming, feel the pressure on my chest. I'm in a tree a mile up on branches far too thin to hold me, and I'm daring life to break it though the drop is long and daunting. And here she's haunting me, my spectre. My sweet serpent of the night. Lashing tongue so wicked cunning, almost convincing me to leap. All for not if her prescious treasure, her darling puppet shouldn't fall. So I'm standing tall defiant, hoping any end at all. Inside, the breaking. Hear a cracking in my lungs. And my breath becoming shallow in the mountain air so cold. I'm getting tired, slowing failing at my stand against the dark. And when I see her stand before me, arms spread out, I want her love. I want her holding, touching on me. I want her kisses on my lips. I want to give up every ounce of the person I once was. Lie and cheat myself to slavery, sell myself to her dirt cheap. But in the back of my mind I'm flailing grabbing abything to break this state. And I'm back to being lonely, feeling worthless, cold and lost. Can't somebody save me from my downward spiral spin? Can't someone stop the pain inside my clammy sweat filled skin? Is someone out there strong enough to help me find my way, or am I destined for the darkness constantly pulling me from within?!

I'll be here tomorrow, I won't give up. But I'm not strong enough to face this on my own and I need to hold a hand. I need love, trust, understanding and direction in my soul. Cause I'm affraid of waking up one day full of misery and old.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone robot Igor. Me: "say hello Igor" Igor: "hebbdjbndkmjbs..."

Of Feeling not Fleeting

This Is Still In progress:

I got a girlfriend and sometimes she will hang out with me.
I got a girlfriend that fell in love with me in a week.
I got a girlfriend that stole my heart with only a kiss.
I got a girlfriend then suddenly it turned in to this.
I had a girlfriend, but my girlfriend didn't seem to believe.
I had a girlfriend in a hurry just to get rid of me.
I had a girlfriend that said she loved me but it just wasn't true.
I had a girlfriend, for a minute there I thought it was you.

I can't believe your lies, my life became a manuscript. A movie that was written and directed by your politics. A story filled with nothing but the scraps from someone elses bullshit. Now everytime I think about you baby it just makes me sick. And never have I ever for a second thought I'd be this prick. A guy that sticks around and deals with all of someone elses shit. And when he doesn't get a damn thing in return for it, he sticks around and holds the hand of the bitch that started it.

I'm still sickeningly in love with my girlfriend..

Same love, different girlfriend.. Oh, and I am changing considerably as of late into a new and maybe improved self. I think I'm becoming more of an asshole, but less of a pussy. And a bit more sure of myself. I know what I want and I'm going to have it. I'm going to take it! It will be mine!